Birth is an emotional time. People talk about the happiness, excitement, and overwhelming love. But no one talks about postpartum loneliness. It’s actually more common than we think.
It’s really the last thing I expected. We had brought our baby home and my husband was off work. But what should have been a relaxing time turned into sheer survival mode as I thought, “How do I keep this baby alive? How do I know I’m breastfeeding right? Is my baby going to die because I don’t know how to be a mom?”
Spoiler alert: we figured it out and my son is happy and healthy. 🙂
My postpartum story
I quickly adopted a “me-and-baby-against-the-world” mindset. After all, I had just undergone labor and delivery. I was soley responsible to feed this little human around the clock. And I was responsible to ensure that he didn’t lose too much weight.
I felt so isolated. My husband was sleeping normal hours at night, while I was up every 2-3 hours feeding the baby and pumping to keep my supply up. I felt like I had been run over by a train. And no one else could feed the baby; it was all up to me, every couple of hours. I was fiercely protectective.
So much so, in fact, that my husband seemed like a well-meaning bystander. I didn’t know how to let him help, and frankly, I didn’t care if he felt involved or not.
And all the well-meaning text messages were nice, but so foreign. They didn’t even know about my new world of sleep deprived feeding, terrified worry about baby, sore body, and engorgement. How could they? I was alone, with my baby, in this postpartum haze.
I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me. We had a beautiful, healthy child. I had a wonderful husband who loved me, was proud of me, and was eager to help. We were all learning how to be a family. And yet, I thought, “I didn’t know having a baby would be like this.”
Turns out postpartum loneliness is actually a pretty common experience, especially for first-time moms. And I don’t share my story to discourage you. I only talk about because I wish someone had prepared me.
How to navigate this part of postpartum
Acknowledge that loneliness is common and very understandable. Especially for those of us who worked all the way up to delivery, the transition from busy to baby can be a shock. We’ve gone from being surrounded by people to taking care of one little person who can’t communicate.
Look for ways to lighten your load. Give yourself lots of grace as you prepare to bring baby home. Buy disposable plates so that the dishes don’t pile up quite as quickly. If you’re planning to use cloth diapers, stash some disposable newborn size diapers just in case you don’t want to start cloth diapering right away. Keep your comfiest clothes on hand so that you can relax.
Delegate. You don’t need to be Superwoman. Girl, you just grew a whole human and then pushed him or her out of your body! You have nothing to prove. So delegate everything that you can. That means cooking, cleaning, and even refilling your water bottle. If you have somebody to help you, take advantage of it. You have a lot of healing and resting to do.
Embrace the idea of community, even if that means 1-2 people right now. You may not feel like having too many people around right after you deliver your baby. That’s okay! Embrace the few people you do trust, and let them in. Whether that’s your mom, your husband, or your best friend, let them into your struggle and talk about it.
Biblical Perspective
Saturate your heart with Scripture as you prepare for postpartum. Write down a verse on an index card so that you have it handy when you’re struggling. Or prepare a playlist of theologically rich songs. (Some of my favorites are Sovereign Grace Music and Shane & Shane).
Know that God is with you. Even when it feels like you are so alone, even during those late night feedings, God is by your side. Nothing can separate you from his love. Paul voices his conviction about this in these words (emphasis mine).
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38,39, NLT
God’s love has already been made clear in the Gospel.
In other words, the love that pursued you and brought you back to your God before you knew Him is still there.
That same love is with you as you navigate postpartum, and that such a comfort.
Man, I wish that I had kept that in mind when I was 3 days postpartum. It would’ve helped a lot. What do you wish you would have known, or what are you doing to prepare for this part of postpartum?