Mommy burnout is incredibly common. 93% of moms report feeling burned out, and 16% report feeling constant burnout.
These are statistics from Motherly’s 2021 survey of 11,000 mothers.
Let that sink in for a minute. The vast majority of moms feel overwhelmed, helpless, and weary. But motherhood isn’t something that you can just leave. These moms are exhausted, but with no end in sight.
How do we, as Christian moms, live with courage and truth, while avoiding burnout and offering hope to a hopeless world?
What is Mommy Burnout?
Burnout is a state of constant exhaustion. It’s caused by feeling “constantly swamped” by stress while having insufficient resources. Burnout is different than stress; stress makes you feel overwhelmed, but burnout makes you feel depleted, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. Burnout robs your ability to feel emotion, motivation, or joy.
Mommy burnout, or depleted mother syndrome, is the “emotional and physical exhaustion you feel from the chronic stress of parenting,” according to this article. It’s burnout caused by the pressures of motherhood.
God’s Vision for Us As Mothers
Let’s talk about what God wants for us as mothers. That way, we can get a perspective on what we can realistically aim for.
God did not create us to be burned out mothers.
The Gospel’s Promise of Peace
The Gospel is so central here, as I’ve already written about in my post “Parenting in Light of the Gospel.”
God created us to live with a sense of inner peace. While Adam and Eve’s rebellion broke the relationship with God, Jesus’ death restored that relationship. As believers, Jesus gives us the ability to have that peace.
In fact, Jesus said to his disciples just before He went to the cross, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27) Jesus uses the Greek word eirene. And while the word is translated “peace” in most translations, it has a broader meaning in the original language. The classical Greeks used eirene to mean “peace, quietness, or rest; lack of war.”
Through Isaiah, many years before Jesus came, God promised to send a Savior, who would be the Prince of Peace (Is. 9:6). Isaiah wrote in the original Hebrew, and the Hebrew word for peace is shalom. Shalom means “completeness, soundness, welfare, peace.” Peace is also one of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal.5:22-23). Finally, many of the New Testament epistles begin or end with a common, yet intentional greeting: “Peace be with you.”
Peace is something that God wants to give His children. And mama, if you are resting in Jesus’s promise of the Gospel, He wants to give you peace.
God Doesn’t Promise Easy
God doesn’t promise us easy lives. He promises us peace amidst the difficulty.
While God could easily remove the difficult things from our lives, He doesn’t. He is not as concerned with our happiness as He is with our Christlikeness. God wants to make us like we were created to be – like Jesus. And sometimes, He uses challenges to help us depend on Him.
Hard things are not the same as bad things.
Motherhood is hard and wonderful.
Marriage can be hard and sweet at the same time.
Life is incredibly painful and beautiful at different times.
The Tension of Brokenness and Peace
In a broken world, we struggle to have peace. Jesus promises to give us peace, as His children. We live in a constant tug-of-war between “already” and “not yet.” Jesus has already given us His peace, but we wait for the full realization of peace in Heaven. God has promised to make us like his Son, but we still look forward to the day when we will be a perfect reflection of Jesus.
Realizing that hard things are not bad, that Jesus has given us peace here, and that we will experience complete peace with God someday helps us to lean into the challenges of motherhood every day.
Practical Tips to Avoid Mommy Burnout
Ask for God’s Help
Ask God to change you. And ask Him to show you areas of laziness, pride, or impatience. Lean into Him, build that relationship with Him, and He will change you. Remember, God does not want you to live in a constant state of mommy burnout.
Prioritize Peace in Your Marriage
Marriage is intended to be a safe spot, a refuge. Marriage provides a place of refreshment, even amidst the battles of parenting. Take time to connect with your husband. Make the effort to foster your relationship with your husband. This might mean swapping babysitting services with friends so that you can have a date night. Or, it might mean putting the kids to bed thirty minutes earlier so that you and your husband can sit down and have hot cocoa together before bed. Having a strong, vibrant marriage can help to prevent mommy burnout when stress mounts.
Try to Simplify Your Workload
Many moms are juggling a full-time job and full-time motherhood. Often, that’s not a sustainable workload, especially during the baby and toddler years. Corporate American has lied to us: we can’t have it all. You’re not built for simultaneously climbing the corporate ladder and discipling your children.
If you can, try to realign your priorities so that you can work less, work at home, or be at home full-time. Think about your commute and how much time it takes from your day. Most people don’t get paid for commuting. If you worked from home, you’d have that commute time back.
Consider staying at home full time. Sit down and do the math. What changes would you have to make? How much would you save if you weren’t paying for childcare and commuting to and from work? Would it be possible to go from two vehicles to one? How much would you save if you were paying for one less car payment and insurance/maintenance for one less vehicle? It’s absolutely okay to be a one-car family, especially if you have a simple lifestyle.
Work to Eliminate Mental Clutter
Think about the things that cause exhaustion in your life. A cluttered home? Constant noise? Feeling like you’re struggling to remember everything? Having an unmade bed?
Tidy the living room before you go to bed so that you can sit down with your coffee in a clean space in the morning. Get up earlier for twenty minutes of quiet before the kids get up. Put the kids down for a nap at the same time, or start implementing a quiet time for older kids. Make lists of what you need to remember or start using a paper calendar. Try to make the bed as soon as you get out of it in the morning.
If you think about it, you’ll know what things are making you exhausted, and you can create a plan to intentionally decrease the mental clutter. Decreasing mental clutter can help to decrease mommy burnout.
Use Rhythms Instead of Rigidity
Sometimes schedules can feel overwhelming, especially when your day doesn’t go as planned. You probably won’t get up every morning at 6:05, make coffee at 6:10, and brush your hair at 6:15. Or whatever your schedule reads. 🙂
Blowouts, sleep regressions, and other things happen.
Rhythms can be more helpful sometimes. Rhythms are simply a consistent daily sequence. For example, you might get up and do the same things every day: first make the bed, then get something to eat, make coffee, and sit on the couch with your babies. This rhythm can happen whether you wake up at 6:00 or 8:31. Having rhythms can help reduce overwhelm, especially since you can get a lot done without putting a lot of thought into how/when you are planning to do those tasks.
Be Aware of the Time You’re Spending on Social Media
This is a huge pitfall for me. I can spend hours scrolling on social media, especially if I’m already overwhelmed. When I finally put my phone down, I’m still overwhelmed by everything I need to get done. And I’m left with a feeling of inadequacy because I don’t seem to have or do all the things I see on social media. It’s a double whammy. Spending too much time scrolling social media is one of the biggest contributers to mommy burnout for me.
Do the Healthy Things
We’ve all probably rolled our eyes at the “self care is important, mama!” mantra. Spa days, cucumber facials, and bubble baths might seem unattainable right now.
But you can do a lot of simple self-care. Drink water. Get enough protein (I have a post about protein intake here). Go for a walk. Spend 15 minutes outside each day. Try to nap if you’re sleep deprived.
Give Yourself Grace During Difficult Seasons
Sometimes we can’t do everything, and that’s okay. Keep a couple of easy meals on hand for the hard days. Hamburger Helper or a frozen pizza can be a big help when you don’t have a lot of time to cook. It’s okay if you have PB&Js for lunch.
Give yourself things to look forward to. Maybe it’s sitting on the couch in the morning with your baby and waking up slowly. Or planning an easier meal for Friday. Maybe it’s cooking ahead so that you can relax over the weekend. Or maybe it’s just getting take-out one evening a week so you don’t have to cook.
We Don’t Have to Live in Burnout
Mommy burnout is so common. But God empoweres us to live well, even during the difficult, busy parts of motherhood. Leaning into that relationship with Him, asking Him for wisdom, and doing practical things to reduce stress can help us to be the mothers He intends us to be.
Until next time,
Lynette
Photo credits for the beautiful photography throughout this post below:
Photos by Keira Burton on Pexels.com, Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com, Ben Mack on Pexels.com, Josh Willink on Pexels.com, Josh Willink on Pexels.com, Elina Fairytale on Pexels.com, William Fortunato on Pexels.com, Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com, Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com, and Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com.